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Reflections, Rollercoasters and Memories

 

Many people liken suffering with Prostate Cancer to a rollercoaster ride. I have also heard people say that it’s like cycling; there are downhill stretches which are wonderful and there are uphill stretches that are tough. But, while you are struggling up the hills, you know there are downhill stretches and good times to come.

 

One of those people that really understood what it was like to have lived with Prostate Cancer was our beloved founder and leader Charles. He helped me and many others come to terms with their diagnosis and to start focusing on the positives. Not an easy thing to do when your cancer nurse has just told you that ‘you need to make memories’.

 

All the Pedallers attended Charles’s funeral at the end of December. I had the honour of preparing and delivering a eulogy. I struggled through it of course as the man meant so much to me. As I said to the many people who attended the funeral, he saved me from myself. He helped open my eyes to how you could live your life positively in the face of adversity and also what you could achieve. I may have only known Charles for 4 years but he gave me a lifetime of truly amazing memories and laughter. How do you say a final goodbye to a man that has had such a deep and profound impact on your life?

 

Most men with Prostate Cancer talk about the difficult regular PSA tests, often every 3 months. The terrible wait for those results. What will my Oncologist say? It could be life changing just like the original diagnosis. The same goes for waiting for scan results or scanxiety as it's also referred to as.

 

After nearly 3 years of my ongoing treatment keeping my cancer under control, and floating out of the consultant’s meeting room every 3 months, I had the bad news in September that there were signs of it returning. Many of the feelings at diagnosis returned; the feeling of being out of control, fear, would it spiral and spread further, how long have I got…the list goes on.

 

When I returned in December for follow up PSA test and PSMA scan results, my worst fears were realised. It was back and aggressive, my PSA had spiralled up and the cancer was in many lymph nodes by my rib cage. A very difficult and emotional week followed telling close family and friends that had all been such an amazing support to me during my initial treatment. I also confided in the Pedallers as many had walked in my shoes and all understood exactly what it was like to live with the disease.

 

I sat down after a week and had a word with myself. I needed to take the advice I was giving out to others at the support group I run on a Wednesday. Deep breaths, take it one day at a time. Get through the morning if you need to then get through the rest of the day. Keep exercising, such an important thing to do when you have any cancer. Things settled down and I felt more able to cope with the news.

 

I am lucky I have a great healthcare team and I was put on new cancer beating drugs immediately. These would work with my existing drugs and starve and eventually kill off the cancer. I will find out in February if the drugs are working and should see a reduction in my PSA. A fairly anxious month to wait but it’s all about having your emotions under control and I now have hope. The drugs come with tough side effects but you have to remind yourself that these amazing wonder drugs are battling the cancer and keeping you alive. How lucky am I to have them available to me.

 

So, back on the rollercoaster. Other Pedallers were on their own big dipper with various treatments, hospital visits and anxieties. And of course, Charles, who had been out of action for 2 years and was being so sorely missed on the rides. He battled the disease like a warrior. He was so brave and so courageous that you could only be inspired by the man. Right up until he passed, he talked about expanding the Pedallers, cycling down the Loire and getting a trike to help him achieve this and so much more.

 

It's hard to imagine a life without Charles, without him on our French trips or on the occasions he would bear the pain and make it to the Pedaller meet ups. Or just simply having a coffee with him where hours would disappear. We will all draw strength from him and continue with all things Pedaller; this is of course what he would have wanted.

 

Charles was all about positivity and so we have a duty to continue to uphold and strengthen his legacy. While this time of year is always a time for reflection and thinking about family, friends and the year that has passed, it is also a time to look forward to the New Year. We, as Pedallers, will be celebrating Charles and the wonderful life he had and the just as wonderful impact he had on ours. We are planning our next trip to France in June, a route Charles helped plan. The Pedallers are also planning a memorial ride and get together in the Spring and the usual weekly Pedaller walks and rides will continue of course. We have new potential members that we are meeting with in January and have welcomed others during 2025.

 

Charles may be gone, but he will never be forgotten. He will live on forever in our hearts and will continue to inspire us to go on new adventures and achieve new heights.
 

What a man, what an impact. I’ve never met anybody quite like him.
 

Andy

Resident Blogger and Proud Prostate Pedaller